Aidan's nail biting habit has got me thinking a lot about habits, in general - good and bad. So much of what I do is out of habit. I have gotten into this routine of doing or not doing certain things. Some things I'd like to do less of and some things I definitely want to do more of or be more conisistent at. So, I suppose it is a matter of breaking these "bad" habits and incorporating some things I want to do more of to form good habits.
I read an article in the Ensign this month and it really inspired me to want to be better at everything. I'm sure a number of things were involved; the article, the mood I was in and the timing of it all. I got out my journal and starting writing things I wanted to be better at and how I would do this. Now, I'm not going into this thinking by any means I'm going to be perfect at these but at least having written them down has helped me to be more cognizant of my actions or reactions.
The one I want to share here is that with my family. I want my husband and each of my children to know how truly important they are to me individually. I hope they know this. But do they know this because I am their wife or mother or do they know this because of how I make them feel? So often I find myself rushing through the day checking off my task list, sometimes treating my family members as "tasks." I need to be better.
One way I know I can do this (make my family feel important) is by truly taking the time to listen to them. This sounds so easy. Well, it's not always. The other day Nicholas starting sharing an in depth physiological concept he was excited about while I was madly preparing to get dinner on the table on time for when Matt got home from work and while Aidan was whining about wanting to eat an applet NOW and while Ella was jumping on the couch after being told twice already to stop. I straightened up my shoulders, took a breath, remembered my "good" habit, then faced my son, made eye contact and just listened. I offered a comment or two, praised, smiled, then made physical contact. This was do-able. I felt much better as a mother because of my efforts. Ella was still jumping on the couch, Aidan was still whining for his apple, but Nicholas felt important. I saw it in his eyes.
Now, listening to my toddlers is not any easier, particularly when it involves, "Mommy, Aidan isn't being nice to me," or Mommy, Ella won't let me play." etc. But having written down my goal has magically helped me overcome the drudgery of dealing with tattling by remembering how I want to make my children feel. Oh the energy of it all!
As for my husband. . . in all honesty, I'm not always interested in what he has to say or share. I love him but truthfully - everything? I say to myself "make him feel important to you." It has been great so far. Consciously, taking an interest in sometimes an uninteresting topic has made me feel like a better wife.
Good habits vs. bad habits is an everyday perhaps, a lifelong battle .
Aidan is still biting his nails. We now have four pairs of gloves to wash and trade off with and they're staying on for 3 weeks.
