I'm Back!!

All right, so it has been a long hiatus and I really debated on whether or not to "resurrect" my blog. I decided to resurrect it. There are just too many experiences, good and bad, to share and learn from. In addition, I miss being in touch with my friends and their lives.

This time around, I think I am going to be a little more "raw" in my blogging, mostly for myself, of course, as this medium provides a great outlet and will help me be more regular in my journaling.

Too many things to share but the biggest, life changing experience taking place right now is sending my first born on an LDS mission to West El Salvador/Belize. I have many mixed emotions, mostly positive, however, I have to admit the simple mom in me doesn't want to let him go. Everyone says he's doing the right thing. It's what you want for him and yes, these are all true but it doesn't make missing him any easier. I already catch myself tearing up in the car imagining no verbal/physical contact for two years. What am I going to do?

Nicholas and I have a special bond, having been alone for seven years (his age 3 to 10) before I re-married. He has become one of my most favorite people in the world. I love talking to him, listening to him, laughing with him, debating with him, sharing ideas with him, getting his opinion on things and just hanging out together. I will miss his spontaeous "I love you" texts from college. I will miss his big bear hugs. I will miss watching him play so tenderly with Ella and Aidan. Mostly, I will miss the feeling in our home when he is here.

Those of you without teenagers yet, yes, you are groomed as a parent to let go. I never thought I could endure this chapter in my life when Nicholas was little. I always thought I would just die. However, little by little they let go and you just adjust your parenting and back off, hoping for the best. I can't believe I will be without him for two entire years. I can barely handle not hearing from him more than two days and have to send him a quick text mostly to remind him that I'm here. I have almost exactly 17 more days with this incredible person before we drive him to the MTC, May 18th 1:30 pm. It will be very bittersweet day for me and I may need to crawl under my covers and close the world for a few hours. If you see me around and I look like I have been crying, I have.

It's good to be back.